Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My dick has a subreddit
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
