I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
