people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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