Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
