Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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