She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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