I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
