Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
