I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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