she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize