i was born a porn star she said
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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