i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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