There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
