it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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