I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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