Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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