Im at strip club and am horny
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize