I just made out with a guy for $7.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize