I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
