i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
