Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
