So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm really into asian looking animals
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize