pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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