I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
