It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
