honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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