I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
