The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
