smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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