I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
