"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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