I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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