so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
