It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
