Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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