You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So squirting runs in the family.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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