Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
