i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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