Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
