first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
as a side note pls kill me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
