did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
