I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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