So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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