Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize