i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
