It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize