Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
