I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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