Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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