I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
