Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
