I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
