tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
