fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
