Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
