I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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