he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
