i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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