i don't like sucking hair
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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