Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
