My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
