I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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