It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize