I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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