I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
