I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
