yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
