shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't turn off my feet"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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