Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
