Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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