Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
