okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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