I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
