I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
