I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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