Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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