Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
nutella sex= disaster
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
