So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
