True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
