Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
