..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
