i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize