Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This house was built for laser tag.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
