So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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