i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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