That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
