So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
