oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
