i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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