his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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