Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize