We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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