If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
