I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
