I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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