dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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