It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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