In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
