The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
