we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
