You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize