Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
3 2 1 whiskey
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
