Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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