You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
