Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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