She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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