remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
