Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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